Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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