So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
