We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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