I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
