I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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