Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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