If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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