Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
