Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
