dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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