I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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