dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
