Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
