i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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