i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
