He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's blow job season.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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