So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
