Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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