Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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