i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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