WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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