moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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