THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I fill condoms, not promises.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
