It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
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