Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
