clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
