A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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