she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
