We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You left your underwear on the fireplace
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
