No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
