You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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