Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
