i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
