Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
