i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
"it" just moved
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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