I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize