Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
