You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
