dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
