Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
