The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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