i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
