I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
