I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
