I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
