ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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