I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
