I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
