I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
