Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you traded sex for a burrito?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
