I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
