i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize