Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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