saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize