i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
no, he came in my armpit
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
