Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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