I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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