shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My breasts were aching with rage.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
