hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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