You're earring is so big in my mouth
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
