sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
