My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
