Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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