They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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