i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
