i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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