their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
