I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You are the jesus of drinking
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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