Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
