Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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