he shaved USA in his pubs
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
