sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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