just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize