Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
