if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Randomize
