those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
