sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Randomize
