I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
