WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
