He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
