You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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