It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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