U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
