Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
