When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
