Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
