Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
