I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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