actually, I'm a sock model
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
