i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
