my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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