What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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