so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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